Freezing in freezinland
February in Finland. The sun is shining—but don’t be fooled. That’s not warmth you feel, it’s just the light mocking you while your eyelashes freeze together. And me? I’m out here, once again, swapping ads on lightpoles like some kind of frostbitten billboard ninja.
This week’s brave advertisers:
- A golf simulator, because nothing says “Finnish winter” like pretending it’s summer indoors.
- Hoviapteekki, who clearly understands the national mood and is here to save us all with a triple-threat campaign:
- Vitamins for the dark season (because we haven’t seen the sun since November),
- Hair-strengthening treatments (because apparently depression makes your hair give up too), and
- Constipation medicine (because when it’s -20°C, even your poop if afraid to com out).
I arrive at the first pole, bundled up like a walking sleeping bag. The ladder is frozen. The zip ties are brittle. My fingers are negotiating a union contract. I climb anyway, slipping slightly, but catching myself with the grace of a startled moose.
The golf ad goes up first. A man mid-swing, smiling like he’s never seen a snow shovel. I envy him. Then come the Hoviapteekki ads—each one a poetic reminder that winter is not just a season, it’s a lifestyle. One ad features a woman with flowing hair and glowing skin. I look in my car mirror. I resemble a snowman who’s seen things.
By the end of the day, I’ve installed all the ads, lost feeling in three toes, and developed a deep respect for thermal underwear. But the job is done. The poles are proud. The message is clear: you may be cold, tired, and vitamin-deficient—but at least your hair and guts can thrive.
